Episode 3 Transcript
Arivee Vargas: Hi I'm Arivee Vargas. I believe we're all so powerful beyond our wildest imaginations. We have the ability to overcome the fears, self-doubt, negative beliefs and all the other roadblocks that hold us back from having the life and career we really want and deserve. That's why I created the Humble Rising podcast.
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I want to help you get clear on what a joyful and fulfilling life and career looks like for you. And help you go after it with all you have. Each week, we'll talk to badass inspirational women sharing their journeys. We’ll dig into their successes, their failures, challenges, the different shifts, and their careers in their personal lives and so much more. Be inspired, get motivated, and get ready to rise. This is the Humble Rising Podcast.
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So, this episode is for all the working moms out there. You know, I am asked a lot. How do I quote unquote do it all as a working mom? I was asked that pre-COVID, you know, even during COVID I'm being asked that. And I I share my secret; I share my secret that I don't do it all. I say no a lot more than I say yes to things. I don't cook every day for my family. What does that mean? That means literally that I'll cook maybe once or twice. And I save things in the freezer and in the fridge so so my kids and my husband can eat leftovers if my husband doesn't want any leftovers, he can go get himself dinner. I just can't do all of that every day and manage the kids and do my work. And coach, I can't do those things if I'm doing everything for everyone else and nothing for myself, right? I don't go crazy about cleaning up the kids mess of toys every day and there is always a mess, I mean. There is a always ways a mess when you have little ones. They just leave things and we're trying to encourage them and instill in them that when you make a mess to clean it up right away. But when you're doing something in the kitchen or you’re on a caller, you're busy doing something else and you don't catch your child as they move to another activity. Very hard to be like, oh, go clean that before you start the new activity. So, I cannot go crazy about cleaning up after every single thing that they leave behind every single day, and there are often nights where the dishes are in the sink, the toys are on the floor, the toys are everywhere, and I just have to let it go and take my behind to sleep. I also feel very clear about what my big bucket priorities are at this time in my life, right? So, they were different 10 years ago when I didn’t have children. But now that I do and I adore my children, and I really work on being a present parent, but also working really hard at my job and showing them that you can have, you can have your own business on a weekend and you can really go after your dreams and it's really important to show your kids who you are because your kids won't do what you say, they'll do what you do. They'll see it and then they'll take from that, they'll internalize that and be like, oh yeah, my mom works out every day. All right! Oh, that must mean exercise is important. And and taking time for yourself is important. Those things are very important to me, especially for my daughter to see.
So, my big bucket priorities and I call them big buckets because there's a lot in each one, But if things like my health right off, obviously the health of my family as well at this time. But my health, including fitness. My family are taking care of everybody work and really uplifting, connecting with others and that's really what I do as a coach and in this podcast as well, and so those are really the priorities that I focus my attention on, right? Like I focus my attention on those priorities and that's where my attention belongs. That means that when I'm asked to do something that either doesn't align with what my schedule will allow for that month, or I say no, people may not like that, but that is not something that I can spend energy on, but I have to spend energy on the things that are the most important to me. Instead of trying to please others at my expense. And to be also very clear, I have help, right?
My mother tends to help me about twice a week. Let me tell you that her even doing the kids laundry is one is amazing because I frankly do not like laundry. My husband will tell you that. I don't like folding it. Don't like putting it away. I simply don't like it. I think it's a thankless job, and so I don't enjoy that. And so, my mother coming, and she'll always come over. She's like, oh, I'm gonna do the laundry. And I always say no. No, no, it's OK. It's OK. And show he says, well, what if I want when I'm like, well, if you want to then, then you know what, mom, go for it. My husband is for sure my partner, right? So, my mom helps a couple days a week and my husband is really someone who is my like, great life partner, right. Like he keeps me centered. He keeps me calm, he has more patience than I do, right, so that we balance each other out in that way. He helps with bath time. He, you know, takes my daughter to to preschool, you know, in the morning. And it is so much more for our kids. Like, he's the one who who, when they were going to daycare, you know, before my son hit kindergarten, he made their lunches in the morning. He was the one who helped him get ready in the morning. Cause I'm not a morning person. And so, he's been really involved and really helping.
Our family function, so the burden isn't all on me. Even though a lot of it is on me with, you know, my son's virtual learning. But we are a real partnership, and we check in with each other often about, OK, what's working well, what isn’t some working well. What do you need this week? What do I need from you this week? How are schedules working together? How are they not totally not working together because there are some meetings where I need to shut the door and the kids cannot come in and there's some meetings where he also needs to be on 100% focused and the kids cannot be in his office. So, we try to do our best to work through that. We epically fail often, (laughs) we get our wires crossed so we don't communicate. And then at the end of the day, I will tell him like, OK, we really you really communicate well today and this is what happens when we don't communicate. And so, we've been working on that, and we try our best each day to make this work. Some days are really hard. I mean, there are some days where I really wanna be left alone. I wanna be alone. I don't wanna talk to anybody. I wanna be left alone because I'm so in my feelings. And I just, you know wanted do what I wanna do and I'm. I'm tired of clicking enter zoom for my son and his virtual learning and running downstairs making sure that he's all set. You know, even though that's against part of my job, but sometimes it just gets overwhelming. Right. Like you can be so grateful, thankful, love your children and death. Love your family to death and the same time just feel like spent. You know, I feel tired. Like somebody's. I just wanna lay down.
You know, I am 32 weeks pregnant at at this at the time of this recording and there are some days where I just wanna lay in bed all day. Just lie down. I cannot do that. I have two children, husband, I have a job like I I can't do that, but there are some days where I do. And and you just figure that out and you just try to do better next time you try to get the rest when you can, and you try to communicate what you need. So, you know when people wonder, well, how do working moms do it all? Like, how are you managing? You make it look so easy and I'm like I am. I am dying sometimes. Sometimes I am not well. But what I love keeping in mind, and this is part of my gratitude practice that I have, is that every moment when you know, when you're not at your best and you're really struggling, there's another moment in the future where you can do better, right one day passes some sometimes my kids have tough days, right? And I always say to them at night when they have like a tough day or tough moment. I say to them, hey, but tomorrow we have the opportunity to do better, right? Tomorrow is a new day, fresh start and then we say yes. And I feel that way too. I feel like the the the next day is always a fresh start. The next moment is a fresh start to be better and to do better. And we are all doing the best with what we have, right.
So again, I'm gonna. I'm gonna say this again, cause it's really important as a working mother you and honestly, even if you don't have a job, couldn't gonna set the home as a mother, you are doing the best with what you have. You're making the best decisions for you and your family that work for you. And these decisions are different for everybody. Not every family looks the same. Every family has the same priorities at every person in the family has the same priorities and same focus areas. It's about what works for you and if you are interested in any tips. I'm gonna give you just three if you're trying to figure out how to organize myself? How do I find time for myself? How do I get things done? How do I stop doing things that I shouldn't be doing, which is number one to me, which is what you should be working on as what can I take off of my list right? And here they are very quickly. The first is as I just mentioned create a Not to Do List. We love To Do List and we're gonna get to that number two. But the first is what's my not to Do List. So, what are you going to stop doing? Right. Like, can you outsource anything or is there anything that you do that you, you know what I'm gonna stop doing that I'm gonna stop making dinner five times a week. I'm gonna make dinner twice a week. You know, I'm gonna stop cleaning up the toys every single, every five hours. You know, I'm gonna clean up the toys every other day. Some people wait to clean up all the toys at the end of the week. I love that I can't do that, but I love that. I'm not gonna stress about the toys every day. I'm gonna stress about the toys on a Friday. Great. I think that's fabulous. So, think about, what are you going to stop doing. Right? What are you going to stop doing? It would be great if you could pick three things. If not pick one small steps, it's still a step right number two each Sunday. Do a brain dump. Sometimes you can do this on a Saturday or Monday but pick a day of the week that works for you and do a brain dump of all the things you have to do for personal for you personally, for your family, and then work like separate those out, want two different lists and create that list and do your brain dump. Prioritize that list and then calendar all of those tasks that you have put in your To Do List. Calendar, put it in your schedule and block off the enough time to complete each of those tasks. Tip on tip is to allocate more time than you think it will take to complete the task. So, if I have to email to someone, I'll block off 30 minutes even though the email probably may take 10. But what if I'm distracted? What if something distracts me? It'll take 30 minutes, right? And I've blocked off 30 minutes. And then that's fine. And then when you do after you've calendar, all of it, don't keep that piece of paper on your desk with all that stuff. That's not gonna be helpful. You throw out that piece of paper because you're gonna keep yourself accountable by doing the things you put into your calendar. So that's number two, do your To Do List calendar it, make sure allocating enough time in your in your schedule for those things and then throw out that list you just created. The third is block off time for yourself each day. So, you need to create time for yourself each day where it's just for you it’s not for anybody else, it’s is just for you. And I'm not talking about two hours. If you could do that. I mean, that's amazing. And I say more power to you. I I can't do that. But if you can, I would say go for that, right. Like aim high for me, it's more like 30 minutes to an hour during the day. Like at night. I have some time. Right. But during the day I have very limited time to myself. And think about how you can carve out that time each day. So, if it's 20 minutes 30 minutes calendar it try to figure out what schedules in your household. How can you make that work? Communicate with your partner or whoever you need to communicate with. So, make sure you can protect that time, protecting your time that you spend with yourself. That's just for you. Keeps you sane. At least that's what I've experienced and that's what I know a lot of women have experiences that having just something for themselves in this time has been really important and has been able to get them through cause they still have something for them, and you will have a renewed sense of self when you do that, like so.
If I'm exercising for 30 minutes or 45 minutes, I feel better. I feel like I can be a better parent. I can be a better partner. You know, I have less stress. Cause I feel better. My endorphins are going, I feel good, and so I can't really take care of other people if I'm not taking care of myself. Right. So that's number 3 carve out time for yourself. Whatever you can during the day. And if your limited and you can't do it at night. Fine, but commit to that. Carve out time and commit to it for you. My children know that when I'm on my Peloton, it's mommy time and you need to leave. They they know that. And I say it all the time. Mommy time. It's mommy time. I cannot talk to you right now. And yesterday I feel bad when they're like Mommy see you look at my ballerina twist. Yes, I feel bad. But then I'm like, but this is my only time for myself. So, then I don't feel as bad. Right. So, you have to really take control of that if you can. If you can. OK. And then if you don't get to it one day, OK, fine. The next day, the next day again is a new day, and you try again. OK, if you, even if you're like, 15 minutes, take it. Carve that out. So those are my three big tips for how you can manage during this time, especially for a working mom. And it's been really difficult, but really take what is helpful, right? If some of these steps aren't really helpful to tweak them or modify them. Take what works for you and really disregard the rest. Apply what works and put away the rest. Put in your back pocket. Think about it for a later time. And I really hope I really hope this was helpful.
Alright my friends, until next time. See you.
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