Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Episode 51 Transcript
March 3, 2022
ARIVEE:-
Hello, my friends. So I wanted to share today an episode that is really on my heart. And I say that for two reasons: one, because I've been taking a lot of time to pause. I share that with you all the time, how important it is, and I always remind you that I also need the reminder to do the same thing, and I've been thinking a lot about what all of you, or so many of you, share with me in one-on-one conversations about wanting so much for yourself, feeling like you deserve so much for yourself, working so hard for where you're at and the willingness to work hard for what you want in the future. And then life is happening. And you're engaging with it.
[00:01:17] And then there's this battle. There's just this battle of priorities, this battle of how do I make the time for all of these things? Because as you continue to advance in your career, if you decide to have a family, and if you do have a family. And if you do have children, or you're taking care of a loved one, or taking care of parents, or of others in your household, the weight of all of those expectations and what you believe are priorities can feel very heavy. And then when I mentioned taking care of ourselves and loving ourselves and really caring for ourselves, taking care of our mental and emotional wellbeing and our spiritual being and our physical wellbeing, oftentimes, we put that last, because we think we should suck it up.
[00:02:16] We think we should be stronger. We think we were built to push through challenging times. Why can't I just set this up and move forward? Why can I just get this done? Why can't I just be the workhorse? That's literally on the treadmill drinking from a water fountain. I don't even think that exists a horse on a treadmill drink from water fountain, not possible.
[00:02:36] We do this to ourselves and we have these negative thought patterns that prevent us from giving ourselves what we really do need. Right now. And so I really want to focus our time today on what I call the battle of priorities and what you'll find as we go through. What I'm really saying is that there needs to be a recognition, and an acceptance. of this stage of your life and of what you need, not what you wish you needed, not what you wish you could do. But what do you actually need? Even if you don't like it, cause I'm telling you right now, I don't love this, and I say this because tt's real, like the resistance to acceptance, accepting where you're at in your life and why you can't do certain things you want to do at this time.
[00:04:01] And you have to, you feel like you need to wait. It's real. And it's real for all of us. The difference is how it affects us and impacts us and what we do about that. And so there is this need for acceptance and less resistance regarding where you are right now and what you need. And being more accepting of it and surrendering to it, I think gives us the best chance to move through it and to move forward in a way that serves us, and that we get what we need, especially when I'm talking about our wellbeing.
[00:04:40] I see every one of you who is like, why can't I just get everything done in one day? I wish there were more than 24 hours in a day. Why can't I just push through this block? Why can't I just be everything to everyone, like, why can't I do that? I want to do that. I want to be the best at everything that I do.
[00:05:04] I want to be the best mom, the most patient, the most calm, even when the Lego is on the floor and I'm barefoot, right? Even in the morning when my kids are struggling to get to get themselves together, even though they're children and they do need support to get ready and to get out of the house, to get to school.
[00:05:24] You want to do all these things to the best of your ability, because you feel like you're capable and you are, but you're not superhuman. And what I've been learning is that I'm not superhuman either. And I say that, not because it's a new learning, obviously we know no one's superhuman. But. It's one thing to know that again, logically, we talk about this a lot, right?
[00:05:52] It's another thing to really understand it through lived experience. And I always say this - it's a lived experience that often makes you fully understand something physiologically. And lately I have been working on fully accepting where I'm at. I'm a mother of three small children. I have demands on my energy.
[00:06:24] I won't even say time, I'm going to say energy. It is not the amount of things we do that takes so much of us, or from us, it's the energy that things require, right? Because if you have a three hour meeting you’ve got that. It's going to be a rough day.
[00:06:50] If you have a bunch of meetings after that, because you have maxed out that brain power, that energy that you have for that day, oftentimes three hours and intense focus. This is a lot for your brain and for your wellbeing too. So I wanted to give us some kind of framework to start adding more language to what we've already been talking about, in terms of how to deal with it, and how to recognize where we're at, how to accept around: How do we use that to try to then move forward? So I wanted to start with explaining a simple framework that is not my own.
[00:07:47] I'm sure many of you have heard of it. It's called Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, and it's essentially a theory of human motivation. And you can for sure, Google it, you can go to psychologytoday.com and look it up. It's quite old. Obviously it's more than 70 years old in terms of the article and the book he wrote on this, and there have been competing theories.
[00:08:16] So I will put that out there. But I do think Maslow's theory – it’s the a hierarchy of needs that I appreciated about it. And it's often presented as a pyramid of needs, and essentially the theory is that our actions are motivated by specific psychological, physiological needs that humans have.
[00:08:47] And so the most basic needs, if you look, if you think of it as a pyramid, the most basic human needs are at the bottom. And some of the more complex. self-actualization needs are at the top. And so if we think about basic needs at the bottom of a pyramid: The first one is your physical, literally physical safety and sustenance, right? So you have, do I have enough water to eat? Can I breathe? Do I have enough food? Do I have shelter? Do I have clothing? Your security. Do I feel physically safe against someone harming me?
[00:09:35] Am I healthy? Even if you think about financial security, That's in that security and safety needs space at the bottom of that pyramid. So you have on the bottom, the more basic food, water, clothing, shelter, and the next level is that security and safety.
[00:09:58] Financial security, and health and wellness. That's all part of that level, that next level of needs. And then you have the next level above that. So the third one is social needs. Like belonging, acceptance, love. And obviously we're human beings. We have a need to connect.
[00:10:27] We have a need for emotional connection and relationships with others. So think about family. Think about your community. Think about your partner. Think about friendships. That's all part of your social need for this sense of belonging, feeling included, acceptance and love. And you can imagine how much that can impact you as a person and your mental and emotional state.
[00:11:03] Then the next level above that is the need for respect, and to feel appreciated. And the need for esteem. You want to feel recognized. You want to feel like what you're doing matters. You want to feel like you have a strong sense of personal worth. I'm making a contribution to the world. It's being recognized. It's appreciated. It's valued. Those are all part of fulfilling your esteem needs.
[00:12:04] And then you have the self-actualization need, and that's at the very top of the hierarchy of needs. So self actualization is at the very top. So this is for people who are very self-aware. They are concerned and deeply embedded and integrated. And they are invested in their personal growth, they are all about fulfilling their potential, right?
[00:12:42] It's more about them growing and going on this journey of fulfilling their potential in life, than about what someone else says about how they're living. And it really is about that moment and that journey, right? It's like a never ending kind of journey to self-actualization. So if you could recap Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, if you think of a pyramid and you have five levels in this pyramid where it's widest at the bottom, and then narrow at the top, you have physiological, first level safety, second level of love, and belonging is the third level, esteem is the fourth level.
[00:13:25] And then self-actualization is that the top of their pyramid. So remember the bottom of the pyramid is more basic stuff like physical requirements need for food, water, clothing sleep. Things of that nature. And then people move on to that next level of needs in terms of safety, security.
[00:13:46] And it could be, again, financial security, it can be health and wellness that also as part of that safety safety level, and then you move into love and belonging esteem and then self-actualization. And so the reason why I bring this up and the reason why I think it's helpful to think through. What you need specifically right now in your life is because a lot of us, especially women that I speak to on an individual level, I would say that their immediate need in terms of what's in front of them, tends to be love, belonging or financial security and safety. Yes. Esteem. But I find that when when we're thinking about where we're at in life, and what we need in this moment, A lot of us actually need to take care of ourselves, take to take care of our emotional and mental wellness and health.
[00:15:11] And I'm really talking about the self care that has a physiological, spiritual, mental, and emotional impact. Consistently over time. I'm not talking about pedicures and I love them, not massages - and I love them. I'm talking about what you need right now in your life. It's for you to be less anxious, for you to be less reactive, for you to be calmer, for you to reach a place of emotional stability. You actually shouldn't be going for esteem by going for a new job. You shouldn't be going for esteem by gunning for that new project or that new case. You actually shouldn't. That is not what you need. What you need is to take care of your wellbeing. And this is where it can be really challenging because I talk to so many women who say, “Oh no, but I really want to go for this.”
[00:16:18] “I want to make this different career move, and I want to do this other job. I don't feel challenged or I feel like my role isn't a good fit for me.” But then when we go through their priorities in their life and where they are at in their life, it's almost like eight times out of 10 or it was at 80%. But actually what they need in a job and the purpose of the job is being fulfilled, like the core, top priority, and the need to be fulfilled is actually happening. That's happening. When they think of where they're at and what they actually need. That's why I think this hierarchy of needs is so helpful because it can ground us where we're actually at.
[00:17:09] So for me, if I was like: “Oh, I want to switch gears. I want to do some totally different industry” - which I don't want to do. But what if I said that, right? Let's talk hypothetically. I am at a place in my life where that is not where I'm at, in terms of my needs.
[00:17:29] I'm still in this space where I need to continue to work on my wellbeing, and where I'm at in my life right now. And this brings me to that second piece I was talking about. What about acceptance? Because you could want a new job, a different type of lifestyle.
[00:17:54] Maybe you want to make more money. You want that promotion, whatever that is, you could want a different lifestyle. You want something different.
[00:18:06] But here's the thing. There is a need to accept where you are. So often we resist where we actually are and I'm raising my hand to that too. We resist it because we don't like it and we wish it were different. That's what's happening. You resist waking up at five in the morning or five-thirty. Because you don't like it unless your body is trained that way.
[00:18:45] And that's what you've been doing for a long time. Then you have no problem. But say, if you get up six 30 in the morning, every day and all of a sudden someone says it’s Five O’Clock, you have to get up. You're going to resist that a lot. It's not going to feel great. So we have to accept where we're at, and what I mean is we have to accept what is the current state you're in.
[00:19:11] That's going to tell you where you are on the Massell Hierarchy of Needs and what you actually need to tend to at this moment. What you want to know, what you wish for, what you need, because you're accepting. You're accepting that you're saying, okay, actually I'm not at Esteem. I'm actually at the safety level, I'm actually at the level of taking care of my wellness and wellbeing.
[00:19:39] I have to sit there for awhile and address that, because accepting does not mean complacency. Accepting and surrendering to where you are, does not mean you're giving up, doesn't mean you're a quitter. It doesn't mean you're weak. It doesn't mean you can’t do it. It doesn't mean you're not capable.
[00:20:04] It doesn't mean any of those things. And this is so hard for us to really embody, and to really feel in our bones. The sense that we want to be at this higher level. Like we're actually at this level of, I'm going to say higher. I don't mean it by comparison. I’m just looking at the Hierarchy of Needs, something of that in terms of levels.
[00:20:31] Our brains want to be stuck on esteem, when we're actually not there. We have to tend to where we are in our lives, and take care of ourselves completely and wholly - W H O L L, or H O L Y if you're down with the God too, or the universe, because it's only when you accept the current reality and you give yourself what you truly need at this time and this stage of your life, instead of fighting it and resisting it. That's when you can truly create change and start doing the small things over time, that will have a lasting impact.
[00:21:23] I'm going to give you an example of this. So I have had trouble for quite some time with my sleep.
And I think I mentioned I started to do meditation, maybe in the previous two episodes. But I really was having trouble.
[00:21:46] I actually went to a physician, maybe three years ago, about insomnia, but it got really bad more recently and I was really struggling with it. I wouldn't be able to go to sleep. I would wake up in the middle of the night. I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. It was really disrupting things for me and I was always tired.
[00:22:09] I was just physically exhausted a lot, and obviously the demands on my time and my energy were significant. So I started listening to a sleep meditation. Headspace does not sponsor this podcast. No affiliation with Headspace whatsoever. Oh gosh, I love Headspace. I started doing a 10 minute sleep meditation on Headspace.
[00:22:37] It's called Switching Off. I would get into bed, think of all the things I had to do. Think of all the things I hadn't done yet, all of that stuff. And I would have to try to, I didn't want to shut it off, but it was hard to switch it off. And that's what I love, what the sleep meditation does for me - instantly calming for me.
[00:23:03] And as I've had challenges with trying to meditate, I was like: “Oh, it's not my thing.” It's totally my thing. Now I have been doing it consistently for about a week. Now I look forward to getting in my bed and switching that on and pressing the sleep meditation.
[00:23:26] I do the same two meditations and my brain, it's like it hears that sound. That voice, the same common noise. From that teacher, I feel it. I feel it on my body and a sense of peace and a sense of clarity. And then I literally drift away to sleep. I listen to the meditation by 10 minutes, I'm asleep.
[00:23:54] And the reason why I say that is because small changes over time, create big impact. I started doing that. I think it was five minutes. And then I got to 10 minutes every night. And even in just a week, it made a big difference for me. And just if you if you've ever taken care of a newborn or an infant - even adults use white noise machines.
[00:24:29] But there are babies who, once they hear that white noise in that bedroom, they know it's time for sleep. That's what happens to me with the sleep meditation the teacher comes on, and then it's the same kind of language she uses to calm the body, switch off your muscles, release the tension, and I'm out.
[00:24:53] Like I'm sleeping. And you could apply that same approach to any other small change you want to make, right. Starting with five minutes a day, 10 minutes a day can make a big difference. But again, this is about: “What do you need?” How can you accept where you're at, to really own what you need and be specific about that?
[00:25:17] So what I want you to do is think about where are you at when it comes to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Physiological safety, love, belonging, esteem. Self-actualization that's the pyramid from bottom to top. Where are you? And when you think about where you are, be really specific about that.
[00:25:52] The best thing to do is to journal about it. I find that to be the most effective. But if you can't journal about it or you're not feeling that, that’s okay. Think about it. Think about how you can dig deeper into what specifically is going on, that's telling you, yeah, I'm in the financial security need or I'm in the emotional stability need right now.
[00:26:24] What is it telling you specifically, what is happening in your life? How are you feeling about your life, how are you moving through your day, that is telling you that's where you're at. It's very important to be specific to give yourself the language. And then how can you really surrender to the fact that is where your needs are at this moment, right? That's where your needs are at this time. So what's one thing you can do really, to accept and surrender to that the most. Right now, one thing, one small thing.
[00:27:11] And this episode is on my heart because one of my themes for 2022 is ease. How can I make this easier? How can I make this easy? How can I do this with more ease and what I'm learning more and more. It's about accepting. And surrendering to what is, and then doing something about it from that place of acceptance, instead of from a place of resistance, instead of from a place of dread. And I have to, from a place of okay. This is where we are. Okay. What's next? What's one thing I can do right now. That's going to move the needle 1e-06% right now. Cause I'm pretty sure moving the needle or moving forward 1e-06% is more than zero. It's movement. That's not zero.
[00:28:33] That means you're closer to something else. You're closer to what's next. You're closer to fulfilling a need, addressing your needs, than you were before you started. Okay. And look, when I say that I'm in this work with you. I'm in this work with you. There've been so many times in my life where I feel like I've reached certain growth peaks and things happen in my life and I've had to shift and I've had to adjust and I've had to recalibrate.
[00:29:14] 'cause you have different experiences and you evolve and things change in your life and whether it's initiated by you or an external circumstance you are in this state of re-evaluation, re-examination, reflection, or just you're brought to your knees, right?
[00:29:38] You're just brought to your knees, like something hits you very hard. And that's why this kind of work is important because you can repeat it. Like these themes of acceptance and surrendering and figuring out what is that you need the stage of your life. Those are things that you can apply at different stages of your life.
[00:30:00] As you move forward in life, as you live your life. These aren't things that are just are static, and are only to be done at this time or when you're suffering. There are tools you can use again and again, when you learn how to use them, you can use them again and again, you got this toolbox, take out that tool, see if it works for you.
[00:30:25] And again, everything that I share is an invitation. This is an invitation for you to try and be curious about it. Could this work for you? Could this help you? Could this give you more clarity? Could this give you more peace? That's what this is about now to dig deeper into this, I would love for you to join me in my group coaching program.
[00:30:59] It's called the It’s Your Move Blueprint Coaching Program. The title of it is intentional because I believe that you're powerful right now. To create what it is that you want for yourself in your professional life and in your personal life. And I believe you deserve to give yourself that gift in this season of your life.
[00:31:28] So we're going to get you to a place of clarity, to a place of confidence and where you're headed into a place where you're really taking action. You're moving forward in a specific direction. You're moving past the over-analyzing and the overthinking, and you're moving past asking every single person what they think ,and what they think you should do.
[00:32:08] But you're taking action. You're moving past this overthinking over, analyzing, over, you're taking action and taking the steps to get from where you are now to what you really want next for yourself and what you need most for yourself right now. And I want you to get that clarity and that confidence to start shifting what you know needs shifted.
[00:32:39] So you can move forward.
[00:32:43] The program is eight weeks and I'm coaching you in a very small group. You'll get access to me through some online material that you can move through at your own pace. Because we know things can get a little unpredictable during the week, sometimes, and life happens and I totally get that. I'm here with you if that happens to you every week.
[00:33:03] But we have group coaching sessions almost every week, and then you get a private one-on-one session with me too. As part of this program, my registration for the program is going to open soon. Very soon. So if you want to be the first to know when it opens, join my email list, that is specifically for this program, you can join that list by clicking the link in the show notes, and you can find all of that
if you scroll down below this episode, you'll find all that information right there. And until next time, I'm here to remind you. That you're powerful now. And I want to be specific. You not only have the power now to create the life and career that you want and deserve. You're powerful now to give yourself what you need. You are powerful now.
[00:34:15] To feed your soul and your spirit, to take care of your heart, to take care of your mental and emotional wellbeing. You are not weak because you need support right now. You are not weak. Because you're at a state where you can't do the five other million things you'd love to do.
[00:34:51] You're strong and you're listening to this podcast. You're already, I guarantee you're already self-aware. You're already there.
[00:35:09] It's about small steps. Now it is about massive action sometimes, but I think when it comes to our wellbeing and I'm going to be 1000% real with all of you, coaching is about your emotional wellbeing. There are executive coaches. There are career coaches. There are life coaches. There are high-performance coaches.
[00:35:33] Yes. It's all about your emotional wellbeing. All of it. It's emotional wellbeing because your emotional wellbeing and your mental state, your emotional state, your spirit, all of it impacts every single part of your life, who you interact with at home, who you interact with that work. All of it. To me, it's all about your wellbeing.
[00:36:00] And that's why I invite you so much. I'm always inviting you to do this work with me. That's why, because if your wellbeing, isn't where it needs to be all the other stuff, it's a lot harder.
[00:36:28] Okay. So you're powerful now to take care of yourself, right? You're powerful now to make transformation happen. You are powerful now.